Big Fish Shrunken...

The other day I was having a lovely chat with my roommate. We were discussing our school life and how we felt that we were failing miserably. We agreed that neither of us have any friends, we were doing horribly in all of our classes, and we were broke and not good at anything! At home, I was a big shot on campus. I was considered smart, pretty, an amazing singer, I had it made in my insignificant little high school life. Then I came here and discovered it was all a lie.

BYU is a campus filled with amazing talented beautiful people!! When I came here I was not prepared for the change. To give you an idea of how I felt, here's how it went. The campus seemed to ask,

"Were you pretty? Everyone else here is prettier. Were you smart? Not here you aren't. Did you sing well? Everyone here can sing. You're good, but so is everyone else. You have no identity and you're completely average, if not below."

Not good tidings for the self-esteem if you know what I mean. But I have been dealt a revelation! Everyone feels that way. At least all the socially apt people do. All the freshmen are walking around thinking, "What am I doing here?"

Well I'll tell you what. We're all just the cream of the crop. There isn't another campus like this one in the world. There are beautiful, smart, talented, and virtuous people everywhere, but BYU campus is made up entirely of them. You just can't do better. And instead of feeling low, I have decided that I am good just for being able to be here. And even if I fail, it's not that big of a deal, for I failed doing my best, at a school for the best.

Family, the Important Thing

I know many people from many different walks of life and many different families. They're not all great, and they all have problems, as all families do, but the more people I meet, the more I am grateful for my family. I have a wonderful family, and although we're not perfect, we love each other and put each other first. I just wanted to inform you all of my love for them and share with you the things I miss most now that I'm not at home.

My sister is my best friend. She understands me like no one else can and she is the person I miss most. I feel as though I'm missing my other half. I am most looking forward to being with her again when I return home. I have wonderful loving parents who do everything they can for me. They support me in all I do, and believe that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I still feel that love and support now that I'm away, but it is not quite the same. I miss the hugs, the sitting on the couch reading family scripture or just talking. I miss telling them everything. I even miss the bad jokes and irritating nicknames. My brothers are the best brothers around. I am sad that I can't enjoy their presence daily any longer, and I wish I could be there for my little brother as he starts high school. He is sweet and kind, and an amazing young man, and I wish I could be there to see him finish growing up. My oldest brother is getting married, meaning these few months are his last at home. It makes me sad that I cannot spend these last few months there with him.

And although I miss my family and all these things -- I could go on forever -- I am grateful to have my brother just older than me here with me. He is my rock and support as I struggle to adjust to college life. He is my mom, my dad, my brother, and often my only friend. I love him so much and revel in the chance I have to spend time with him while I can.

I am glad to be here, to be able to get an education, and that my parents did all they did to get me here. I cannot wait to see them and the rest of my siblings, and hope to make them proud.
I love you family!!

Becky

The sad truth

You would think that being at BYU I would have lots of friends and dates. It's a lie. I don't. The sad truth is, I haven't made any friends, except my roommate, and haven't met even a single guy who I would date. Totally lame. It seems as though all the girls around me are getting dates left and right. What's wrong with me?

I have been told I'm intimidating. I'm tall, I'm too good, I'm just a really good person and I intimidate all boys. Sounds like a bunch of stupid excuses to me. The truth is...I don't know how to flirt. It's true. Ask anyone I know. My dad once said a phrase that aptly applies here. "Anti-girl". I am the anti-girl. I love being a girl. I love the clothes and the fact that I'll get to be a mom. But I am the anti-girl. I can't dance, I can't flirt, and I don't care. So is it my lack of girly that brings my non-social life into existence? Maybe, but you must also take into account, I have high standards.

I won't date just any guy. I won't show interest in just any guy. He must exhibit the qualities of someone I would enjoy spending copious amounts of time with. Some may find this ridiculous. What does a date hurt? Well, anyone with half as many stalker stories as me can tell you the problem with giving any encouragement to someone you're not interested in.

So the question is, is there a problem with how I am and the way I act and the fact that I am incapable of getting a date or any prospects thereof? Or is it the rest of the world with the problem? Or in the end, does it really matter how we are, does it all come to the same end?

What's the Point?

Not to deviate from the topic of this blog, but recent events in my life have gotten me to thinking. My brother is getting married and I have spent a couple of days with his fiance shopping for her wedding dress. She came to Utah to get her perfect wedding dress, and I have loved the time I have spent with her. However, spending all this time in wedding shops has brought the question to my mind...what is the point? Why do we do it all? Is it for the dresss? The cake? The amount of money you spend? How fancy it is or how many people come? What is the wedding truly for?

In light of this confusion I bring this thought to mind. Although the wedding is fun -- the bridesmaids, the groomsman, the rehearsal dinner, the reception, the food at the reception ;) -- in the end what we achieve is so much more than all the pomp. The true meaning of a wedding is often lost in all the stuff we surround it with. So does it truly matter whether you served punch and cookies at your reception rather than a meal? Does it matter whether your dress is perfect or everyone attends? Does it matter when or where? No. You get married to share time and all eternity with the one you truly love, the bread to your butter, the creme to your oreo, the light of your life. In the end, the goal is achieved, and no one will ever care or remember how you got there, just that you did. And they will be so happy for you, for you will be happy too. True happiness is what you make of it, and what is a wedding for?-- to make that true happiness come to life with your partner. Marriage is about the after, not the before. Don't forget that, no matter where you are in life. It's about the life you spend with your spouse, not about anyone else, no matter how much fun the wedding may be. And don't get me wrong, it IS fun! :)

The Social Ladder

I was brought to an interesting enlightenment yesterday by my dear brother. In life and relationships girls have two ladders. There is the friendship ladder and the dating ladder. Once on the friendship ladder you may attempt to move to the dating ladder, but sadly you must jump. In the small chance you don't fall into the abyss between ladders you may land on the dating ladder, but you will be many rungs below your original friendship status. When you have made the dating ladder, you may never return to your full status on the friendship ladder. Most times, you may not return to the friendship ladder at all. Boys however, only have one ladder. The dating ladder. The only way you make it on is if there is a remote possibility something in the "dating"category exists, even if it is only physical attractiveness. If there is no possibility of attraction -- you may as well not exist.

In my life I have realized this to be true. Here in Happy Valley however it is taken to the extreme. Everyone I meet of the opposite gender thinks, "Could this be my future spouse?" If it is not true, you MAY NOT be friends. You cannot associate in a friendly manner. Acquaintance is allowed only if forced. If in a relationship, you are shunned, for you are no longer available. The conversation goes -- what's your major? what year are you? are you dating anyone? -- and then with a simple yes the crest-fallen look appears and another more important task comes to their mind while they leave you in the dust. What friends can you have? none. Even friends of the same gender ignore you, for you can no longer relate to their lives of dating. Stories cannot be shared. You no longer date. There are few allowances to these rules. Too bad for you.

The Beginning

Two weeks of school have past and already I feel like a more enlightened human being. College life in Provo, Utah (aka Happy Valley) is an interesting experience. More things happen here that I would never expect to happen anywhere than is mentally healthy. So to vent, I will share with you all my experiences in this bizarre place. Hopefully I won't scare you entirely ;)